Nic & Casey Porter Family II: Ashly Nicole, my schoolgirl

Oh mY cHiLDreN

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Nic: Im so sick of everyone being allergic to random things. Im allergic to sugar, it makes me fat!

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Ashly 2-3:Will you ddx play?

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Maddi 5: (whispering into Nics ear) Daddy, the man behind us is cigaretting, gross.

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Mom:Whats your name?

Ashly : Juan Plablo mom, I pooped

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Ashly:Go brush your teeph, somethin smells like poo

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Ashly:uck (hug)

Ashly:Hememe (Shes mean to me)

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Mom: Halle, will you please go get my pants out of the dryer.

Halle:Which ones?

Mom: My tights, my stretchy pants.

Halle: (in a deep trying to be hispanic voice) Chancho...can I borrow some streeetchy paaants

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Maddiisms: tomorning= tomorrow morning

lasterday=yesterday

fourlaminutes=later

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Maddi always addresses her daddy as "Handsome Dad"

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Maddi:Papa, when I want it I just say averenatthedavra.
Papa:You say what?
Maddi: I will teach you, say avren (papa repeats) at the (papa repeats) davra (papa repeats).
Ok papa, that wasnt right! Say it like me, avren at the davra.
(Aaabracadabra....aka:avren at the davra)
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When Maddi starts a story, she says "There wasapolatime there was a man....."
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Maddi:Mom, your teef arent so white, I think you should brush them
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Halle: Mom, you know Im confused. I am bigger than Ashly, and older than Ashly and dont understand why her boobs are so much bigger than mine
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The following happened during a bubble bath where the girls were adding beards, mustaches, bellies, and anything else they could build with bubbles....
Halle:Mom, Heavenly Father is so smart
Mom: Yes, he is...why?
Halle:Well, he knew that girls just dont look good with beards. I glad he figured that out before I was born cuz I dont want a beard.
Mom:*thought* well, you better enjoy that now!
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Mom:C'mon girls, its time to get ready for bed.
Halle:Maddi wont brush her teeth mom!
Maddi:Halle dont be a taddle butt, I will brush my teef tomorning! Dont tell mom.
(all the while mom can hear their conversation that continues)
Halle:Im gonna tell that you called me a butt
Maddi:I have a butt too
Halle:Dont say that Madd
Maddi:Youre a butt
Halle:Moooom! Maddi called me a....
Maddi: No huh Halle, I sayed you haved a butt!.....(then she walks away, and under her breath says....."you taddle butt")
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Maddi was playing house this morning.
Casey was the little sister
Maddi was the mom
Maddi:C'mon daughter, we're going to the mall.
Mom: Na, I wanna stay home
Maddi: (now at the pretend mall) Escuse me, ma'am, I need to return this, I need a new one.
(this is only funny to those who know that I am always returning something!)

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(During a "ticklefest")
Mom:You are my guitar Maddi
Maddi:Stoooop, Im not a ticitar
Mom:Are you my drums?
Maddi:No, stoooop
Mom:What are you then??
Maddi:Im just a somebody mom!
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Mom: Maddi, go tell dad its time to get ready for church for some spiritual guidance.
Maddi: Hey dad, we need scarry vitamins! Lets go.
(scarry vitamins=spiritual guidance)
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The following are oldies, from my dead blog...Im trying to bring some of it into our new blog so I dont lose it all for good.
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Mom:Maddi, get off my phone!Maddi: Mom, I can how talk to Beebonca! (aka:Bianca)
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Maddi: Where we goin mom?Mom: To Hell if we dont change our ways. (I know, I know, Im a bad mom)about an hour later....Maddi: Mom, can we go to Hell Soopers for some snacks?(our local grocery store is "King Soopers")
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Halle:Mom, did you know Mrs. Claus has 1300million kids, those are the elves.
Mom:What?!? Thats a lot of kids Halle.
Halle:Do you know why she has so many?
Mom:Nope, but I bet your gonna tell me.
Halle:Yep, I am. Its cuz they have the make and deliver toys to kids in China AND michigan!
Mom:*laughing* wow Halle, Michigan too?!?!
Halle:*looking at mom like shes dumb* Um, whats so funny mom?
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Maddi:Mom, I want happy juice!
Mom:Um, dont know what that is, come show me.
Maddi:Right there mom, the happy one.(I pull out the koolaid) and ask:Why do you call it happy juice?
Maddi:(Looking puzzled)um, cuz mom, it makes me happy.
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Maddi:(during daddyless family prayers) ...and please bless my daddy to come home and not leave me no more"
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Maddi:Hold you me mom, just hold you me
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Maddi:(pottytraining) Mom!!! Please dont flush my baby, he comed out of my belly, hes just a baby poop"
Mom:Maddi, hes gross and stinks
Maddi:Can you take his pichure?(obviously I carry a camera everywhere and take pictures of everything, but come on Maddi!)
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Halle:Mom, I miss Uncle Jesse.
Mom:Really, why?
Halle:Cuz he let me pull his finger, remember when he would ... you know...he asked me to pull his finger and he would... you know mom!*****************************
Halle:Mom, you need to get a job.
Mom:I have a job!
Halle:Watching your kids and shopping all day is NOT a job, you need to make some money.
Mom:Are you kidding me?
Halle:No mom, Im serious, shopping and sitting on your butt is not a job!
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Mom:Mom & Dad are going on a date tonite, do you want to go play at the Club?
Maddi:I wanna go mom, but you cant go to the beach, your bum bum is just too big. (?!?Who said anything about a beach?)
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Mom:Come on Girls, its time to go home. We have been here an hour and a half already.
Halle:Mom, can we please stay for an hour and a whole?
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While in Sacrament, the speaker was talking about the Liahona, and said "They used the Liahona to help them find food..."
Halle:Mom, why didnt they just go to the grocery store?*****************
Maddi comes into our bed this morning to wake us...
Maddi:Dood morning tuna fishers
Mom:Maddi, come lay down and go to sleep, mommys tired
Maddi:Mom, why is baby ashly in my bed? (she was in MY bed)
Mom:Just go to sleep Maddi
Maddi:But its up time, I want pannicakes.
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Halle: Mom, does Heavenly Father know everything you say?Mom: Ya babe, why?
Halle: Well, I think you should stop talking so mean to me then.
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Mom: "Maddi, stop scratching your crack"
Maddi: "its not my crack, its my butt!"
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Halle at age 3: "Mom, I think she has the wrong boy in her cart" (when a different colored lady was pushing a different colored boy)
Mom: "Halle, we will talk about it when we get home, please be quiet"
Halle: Scuse me mam, I think you got the wrong boy today" (as I walk as fast as I can past her cart)
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Mom: "Daddy is coming home to watch you while mommy goes to clean."
Maddi:"Oh yay, my daddy, I luf heem sho(love him so) much, he sho teute(so cute) mom"
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Maddi: "Daddy, yeeer home!" every time he gets home from work/school
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Maddi: (while looking at my bare belly) "Mom, I pokey baby miwey(Miley)? Is she seeping? (then talking at my belly) did you have a good seep baby miwey, I wubbed you".
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Maddi: "Mom, I smell sumpin, it stinks, daddy pooped in my diaper again"
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Maddi is so dang funny lately with the things she says, I wish I could write them all down, but some are too embarrassing for me to share, this one however, I just had to because I was laughing so hard I was crying...guess you had to be here!Maddi: (after someone tooted) Eeeeew, yer need to potty dad (then she went to his pants and said "Wemme see in der, you need to change yer diaper"
Mom: laughing sooo hard
Maddi: mom, shut yer mouf, the baby is sweeping. Daddy yer still smell stinks.
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As we are walking through Target today, we passed an older (very) man in a wheel chair, very heavy with white hair and beard.
Maddi: Mom, wook, its Shanta! Shanta says Ho Ho Ho. HI SHANTA!! Why Shanta so fat mom?
Mom: Maddi, you need to be quiet, hes going to hear you and thats not Santa.
Maddi: Ya Huh mom, HI SHANTA!
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Maddi: Halle yer need yer diaper changed.
Halle: No Maddi, you stink, not me!
Maddi: No Halle, its yer brefs (breath)
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Nic & Casey Porter Family II

Friday, December 9, 2011

Ashly Nicole, my schoolgirl

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